Words

Standing on a bridge i see water flowing by under the bridge and for closer inspection i want that to stop. I offer prayers words and mantra.

I certainly am the universe i see. I certainly am absent the creator. I certainly am him when I am not thinking.

How much control i have over my world, truly?

How much control do I have on me a micro element of my universe. Can I stop my thinking?

I can only perhaps stop acting and talking. The stream of thinking I cannot stop standing over the bridge. Unless it is stopped in level of my existence. At their origin. What is The origin of my thought?

What am I thinking about?

How desirable i am to some I wish to talk. That some is entirely my fiction of pleasure and honor. They are my belief. How do I eliminate my belief?

Is there any other option but my silence?

At the moment I am burning to talk. I cannot take the vow of silence and distance to people for all time to come or even for next seven days.

I am dying for honor and nearness or proximity to desirous person's attentions!

Let me be dead. I must freeze the flow of my thought. I must be silent just now - this very moment.

I have nothing to give. I have nothing. None is expecting anything from me. None is thinking of me or even like to talk to me. I am assuming. I am deceiving myself. I understand what I am doing.

Can I stop?

Perhaps I cannot. But I cannot belief I am born without control. I know and feel that I have control. I must someday have total control over my body mind thought talk and action. Illusion is illusion I know this much no matter I am full of feelings I can not touch my illusions. I cannot be near to my most desireable illusions.

I am not desirable. I am disillusioned.

I am more than sure and I cannot be wrong that there is no one and nothing including me. all is my bluff to myself. there is no exterior and all is interior. it is an empty space and wordless and soundless formless .....less....

today's dream is my pervasive dream. i am searching for classroom and teachers who taught them i am running out of time. then i met a person whom i knew long date. he was two years senior to me. i asked for his help. he was patient to hear me out and help. but he failed. i got up asking me although i am impatient and asking for recognition. do i need it if i know myself for sure that i have it. can i find this knowledge attending any lecture or doing exercises and finally certified. it became very clear after the dream, i cannot look for success. when i finally succeed my dream shall also automatically stop.

the dream was my status report. I need not invest this moment for future. no business. i am not required to be busy and seeking.

this moment cannot be wasted on gains to make in future even for another future moment.

I need not hurry. but there shall be always another moment till i am home.