my creator is Hitchcock!

I have one weapon for my self defense. It is patience. If I do not have it. I have no alternative. Khabe to wait till acquire it. That is again my patience.

I must be patient enough to be patient.

About 50 years back I realized a technique called recursion. A self defining expression for an object.
What is self?

Knowledge of me. It is knowledge of me a moment ago plus knowledge of now. It is ever increasing and depends on my previous or past knowledge. If I am keeping a record. Records are of many kind. Memory is one of them.

Patience is the quality that is self defining. I mat wait till my death to find out what is death. Till then I don't know. What then is impatience. I do not know and I don't need to know.

Is it a fork and two different path of occupation? No they are not. Since events are nonstop. Even when I am very attentive and ignoring frames and filtering for the awaited events only. I do not control events even when I do not notice.

Depending my ability to perceive and interest the frames of perception is my unit of time. It is my ability to remember my previous frame. When I don't, say when I am sleeping, Frames of memory is missing.

Events of frame may depend on my interest. If I am addicted to preference of people - I station myself in populated place. If I am interested in Money, then I become member of clubs where money events take place - share market for instance. I have my preference for sexes. I talk to my preferred few of my choices. I have preference for feelings - my fears. I am ever sensitive about them. Even when I sleep I get woken up by dreams of my fears. If not me, my creator creates my dreams of fear - nerve rattling experiences.

Possibly Netflix watchers do not dream since it is filled to the brim with 1000s of nerve rattling films I cannot watch. 

But I have to wait and be patient to to watch peace tranquility beauty and I do not even get dreams of them. So unfortunate I am. Creator does not love me and never fulfils my hunger and thirst!

results of my bad deeds is with me even when I don't wish to see them. it appears that i have not done no good deed in my life.

sleep dream or awake i only see nerve shattering monsters - my creator is Hitchcock!

it is not my life threatening yet i am having endless nightmare of bed bugs crawling all over during awake dream or sleep ~ i am very sensitive ~ I wonder this is result of killing many million bedbugs in my lifetime! My bad Karma!!

what is the solution to fear of bedbugs crawling all over my body?

All my million words I write for public although I have no friends but have many foes. They are my close relations my close friends sister wife and inlaws. They have benefitted from me. They are suffering from indigestion. They are envious of my life style. While they have to consume lot of medicine and undergo many a physical operations. They spend sleepless night. The reason for my writing is my self cure. It works on me. It supposed to work for anybody who is courageous enough to try my cure. Confronting one's self instead on clutching on hope that there may be an escape root. There is no escape route. Since all deeds including misdeeds has one witness that is one's self.  

 Mere reading me results in miraculous relief from impending deeds of one's selfish action. One may be able to see glimpses of clear sky through from the black clouds of imagined future that may catapult the safety boat one is riding!!

 I do get rid of bedbugs without even moving or looking. I stare at my thoughts unblinking. Miracle!

 Nobody reads me yet I write. Mere accidental reading what I write shall debug any human malfunctioning machine.

 Any question that I may have, I am not speaking about anyone -  I am not sure of existence of anyone truly - I simply truthfully DO NOT KNOW, as an unique answer and they are identical to the perspective where that question arises. The perspective is me or equivalently - my dharma. What is my dharma - in many words - i am absent all is absent - how does it look like? I can offer two answers - KRISHNA or SUNYA. This depends on what you understand - FORM or FORMLESS and what they mean to you. You better or rather I better not try to explain.

 Now how long this question can last? Even though the question is my life and death issue and I must know! SHE LOVES ME OR LOVES ME NOT? Can any question however live it is and pressing survive in KRISHNA OR SUNYA? Without light, air, water, in my may absence or in the absence of all - none and nothing?

 The question undergoes sublimation process - disappears - lock stock and barrel - lakshmi saraswati radha the three in one become inseparable from Krishna!!!!

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