no choice

I have no choice besides assuming I have choice and I chose as if on my own. But often I am pre-influenced by my bias.

the bias is my selfishness and my inability to share. the kingdom of heaven i do not wish to share. as if i knew always that kingdom of heaven is empty space.

my question to creator why do you give the illusion of choice to any such as Duryodhana that you are fair to him while always pushing to punishment his created hell in paradise.

Does not one know the rich he is hiding is yours? Does he not know that he is the witness even though there is any in hearing or seeing proximity? and one is too many! this memory is unerasable. no amount of devotion penance mantra bribing you or any of your agents can cure his or her disease constant pain of suffering. every time she or he opens her or his mouth the suffering increases.

lust has no cure once committed. it is far worse than cancer!

why knowingly creator allows this to happen? I do not understand. why one cannot rid himself from words uttered and follow to the hell step by step doing what he did?

whoever asked Bhimsa to utter those words of celibacy and serve and protect all his father's generation from destruction. Got nothing except lifetime up to his own desire till he asked for no more.

when it is very clear who is bending rule for public transparency that one is just another public and has no guaranteed privilege.

why karma? why dharma? why fall from heaven?

Keno ami sonar harin chai? why I want to possess a gold deer when I know fully well that is illusion and not real!

in the illusion that my world and without end is based on truth that is indestructible without beginning without end without illusion or now or time

it is my absence permanent without choice

my fear is the perspective - the irreducible divinity and background - the reality is its reflection ever changing for ever terrorizing - i have no choice

i cannot prevent damage i cannot prevent anticipation i have to bear without choice otherwise I am chased by my fear and i am incapable of running ... i stop fear stops i gather my breath resume my distance it overtakes me and confronts me  .. i stop ..... i am in the midst of my nightmare during the day - 24/7/365+ days

there is no choice except containing consuming and digesting all reward and punishment without remnant

i have no choice but see my fear without yielding till i and my fear vanish ~ my commitment however trembling i am - i cannot live in fear - i stay put digest my fear and emit nothing

 [it took me two hours to digest my fear - i aim to make it instantaneous by my resolve to do nothing]

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